As I stated in an earlier post about our archaeological replica collection my family and I went on lots of journeys where we learned a lot about other cultures, modern and ancient, and I grew up with pyramids, mummies, germanic, greek and roman mythology, nature documentaries and old movies about Hercules, Ben Hur and Moses.
Since my mom and dad where “sort of” catholic I also went to church and communion and attended religious education at school, featuring mostly christianity. I didn’t get pressured to do anything of that, except for the communion which was more like showing off your pretty white dress 😉 but other than that I never got scolded for being interested in a lot of things. On the contrary, my grandma always said she was heathen since she had had an unpleasant time at her school as a kid, which was led by nuns and punishment for wrong behaviour was executed with cane. But that wasn’t my personal reason to “become pagan”.
With the dawn of the internet, I must have been somewhere around 14-16, I started seaching the web for articles and websites about witchcraft and somewhat felt a bit more at home than in christian mythology, which is why I believe this must have been a matter of taste rather than feeling rejection against the faith. And since I hadn’t had any negative experience I still enjoy watching documentaries about the Bible to this day, just as much as I like the Sumerians or ancient Egypt. For me these things belong into a complete educational concept: To know the different faiths and being able to decide if you’d want to adapt them for yourself or not.
I stumbled across wicca but I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a coven and a hierarchy, being the lone wolf I am. But it was the time of the internet forums, with Facebook still being a decade away in the future, and I read a lot about peoples concepts, also about satanism, buddhism, otherkin, shamanism, all sorts of things. I tried working with tarot cards and even made me a wand with a golden walnut dangling from one end, I hoarded piles of crystals and started buying some more gothic clothes until I got fed up with all the black and started dressing like I had robbed a circus in colorful blouses, bell-bottoms and kitschy jewelry. Having been not the most popular kid in town until I was 16 and changed classes, I stayed a bit reclusive and bookish but as soon as my circle of friends grew I became more outgoing, starting to roam around the woods near where I lived, offering little things like sugar and spices for either the gods and goddesses of the forest or the ants, depending on who would come first. But I hadn’t found my pantheon yet. I had a concept of male and female divinities in mind but it was still unformed when I was 18-26 actually.
In 2008 I had gone and moved to France to work for Blizzard Entertainment, which was an amazing time. And by 2010 I got more and more attracted to norse paganism. Over time I had made friends who were asatru and celtoi and we exchanged ideas and one day, while driving to work and actually listening to the pagan band Omnia it dawned on me that norse paganism was my thing. I loved the artwork, I enjoyed music with according themes, the overall aesthetics were quite pleasing, so to say 😀 And of course I loved medieval markets.
Back in Germany, in 2013, I registered my Instagram account just to put some photos out there. I loved taking pics and that was a perfect opportunity to publish them and having them sort of on a back up space because I tend to let computers explode by the way. No idea why but I literally wear them out, like draining-their-life-out-of-them 😀 4 years later and almost 40 kilos lighter here I am, feeling finally at home with my choice of the norse pantheon.
It’s been a long road, getting from there to here, I can tell you 😉 And I’m glad it went relatively easy.